John Johnston yesterday became the first man to
run an entire marathon while carrying a pair of sharp scissors.
Speaking exclusively to us after the race, an
ecstatic Mr Johnston told us: "They said it couldn't be done… they said it
shouldn't be done… but I did it. I ran the whole race with a pair of
scissors."
"All my life I've been told 'don't run with scissors…
don't run with scissors'. But I showed them. My mum, yeah, she was
always banging on about not running with scissors. She was fucking
obsessed by it, I tell you. But look at me now. I showed the old
bitch, didn't I?"
Johnston, who was running to raise money for St
Sebastian's Hospital for injured children, finished the 26 mile race in a
respectable 5 hours and 23 minutes - running the whole race with the scissors
and without any major incidences.
"It just shows how wrong people can be about things.
26 miles and almost no one injured. With the exception of the slight
accident with that little girl, the whole thing went without a problem.
I'm told that the girl isn't seriously injured, and that she should make a full
recovery with most of, if not all of the sight in her left eye returning.
"Anyway," Johnston continued, "she was standing far
too close to the front of the spectator's barriers. Could she not see I
had a pair of scissors in my hand, for fuck sake? How stupid can some
people be?"
The old lady after the
race
"You can't really call the thing with the old woman an
incident either. She was all over the fucking shop, like some kind of
fucking moron. That was an accident waiting to happen. Fucking old
people. You shouldn't be running in this race if you are wearing one of
those things any how."
Has no one
ever told him that's it's really dangerous to run with a pair of
scissors?
Mary
Hopkins
The pensioner, 67 year old widower Mary Hopkins, had
to retire from the race after her colostomy bag was accidentally punctured.
She commented: "Has no one ever told him that's it's really dangerous to run
with a pair of scissors?"
Johnston, 31, died later in the day after being hit by
an ice-cream van.
In other marathon related news...
Real horse dressed as pantomime horse wins
London Marathon
